Jess Mackay - Editor, 'Gross!' edition
Sometimes writing can be taken too seriously. Who wants lovely, long descriptive paragraphs when you can step on some gum and get stuck in a cinema forever, or get splattered by a garbage bag, or meet an alien that has learned English?
This instalment of Story Explorers features three short pieces of (what we hope is) fiction that will thoroughly gross you out. We hope you laugh, guffaw and back away slowly from the grossest stories you’ll read this year.
My friend Gross David started picking his nose right in front of me. Out came a big green blob. It was so slimy and stretchy. I turned away as quick as a cheetah farts. I ran away to my other friends,and all of them were picking their noses just like Gross David. I went back to my hot and yucky classroom and hid in the corner. My teacher came up to me asked me what wrong.
I told her, “Every single one of my friends are picking their noses.”
Afterwards I went home and went right to my bed to go to sleep after the exhausting day I had running away from boogers.
The next day I ran to my green toilet and vomited out green slime. I looked at it and vomited green slime again. It was just like my friends’ snot. I thought my life was over. After that I closed my eyes so that l would not vomit again.Then I ran back to my bed that had pee on it and went back to sleep forever.
Q & A with Workshop Leader Marie!
The Smelly Alien
Alert! This story may cause you to become smelly.
Off he goes to planet Earth where he finds his worst nightmare! His friends wave goodbye as the rocket fades out of sight. The alien becomes sad as he leaves his friends.
Suddenly the rocket starts to malfunction and zooms towards Earth at an incredible speed.
The alien finds himself near a city called Melbourne. At home the alien learnt the language that we speak. He goes towards the humans.
The terrible stench fills the air. He sees the humans run away from him and he tries to speak to them but it’s no use. No one can hear him so he starts chasing the humans. Then he notices the scared look on everybody’s face. He stops for a moment then he sees a sign. A very green sign. On his home world the colour green is called fgtishz, which means ‘danger’, so the alien wants to investigate.
He starts to run and sees more humans running away. He really wonders why. ‘Why are they running away from me?’
He creeps up on an old man and asks him, ”Why do you run away from me?”
The old man simply answered that he was super duper smelly. The alien feels sad and wants to be left alone, but he is determined to smell nice so he goes inside David Jones and tries to find some perfume. He grabs a pink bottle and sprays it all over himself. Still, people are running away from him.
He sprints back to the old man and asks, “Am I still smelly?”
The old man explains that the terrible stench is filling the shop and leaking into the perfume bottles, which makes the perfume smell even worse than the actual alien. That’s right, 100 times worse! When the alien sprays the perfume on then the alien stinks 100 times worse.
The alien feels terrible but also tired. He sleeps in an abandoned mansion.
The next day when he wakes up he sees that his body is covered in fungus and green pimples! The alien bolts to the kitchen, grabs a pair of scissors and tries to cut the fungus off. Instead the alien cuts himself and cries in pain.
The blue blood drips on the floor as he runs through the city. He steals someones phone! He presses the emergency button and dials 000. He phones the ambulance to come and talks about the situation. “Please help me. I need the ambulance. I cut myself. Hurry up okay?”
Soon an ambulance rushes through the city and put the alien onto a stretcher. The ambulance races to the hospital. The alien is so scared. He doesn’t know what a hospital is. He is so frightened that he faints.
When the alien wakes up he sees a bandage around his leg and he hears that the doctor is scared to give him a cure. The alien wants the cure but the doctor is so, so scared.
The alien starts to get impatient and bangs his hand on the bed frame. He yells, “GIVE ME THE CURE!!” Then doctor still doesn’t give him the cure.
The alien starts crying. Green tears fall from his eyes. “Give me the …” The alien is dead and the doctor cheers.
“No more smell!” he shouts.
On planet Zorgo the boss gets angry. He stomps his feet and yells at everybody to get out. His parent starts to cry.
Everyone on planet Zorgo hears the sad news, the most famous alien agent died!
With My Crush
I am so happy, I got a new puppy. I love playing the violin and reading books to it. My crush said that he will go with me to the movies on Monday. But, when it was Monday, I received a message from him and it said that he couldn’t go because he was very busy, so I was super sad.
The next day, I got another message from my crush, and I became happy again. We went to the movies, we bought ice-cream, popcorn, doughnuts and lollies. My crush even brought me flowers!
I asked him, “Why didn’t you get my puppy anything?”
“That’s because I didn’t know you had one!”
“Oh yeah, it’s new!”
He laughed, which made me laugh too. I laughed so much that I spat on the popcorn. He laughed so hard that he sneezed, and that went all over the popcorn too.
We couldn’t eat the popcorn anymore, it would be gross. So we left to go buy more popcorn, but our feet got stuck to the old bubblegum on the floor of the cinema. We couldn’t move! So we spent the rest of our lives in the cinema and died there.
Imagine the most disgusting ice cream flavour you can. What toppings would it have? What would the cone be made out of? Now use this new flavour as the problem in your story. How will this ice cream create mayhem for your characters?
Hint: If you’re stuck for ideas, think of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans from Harry Potter!
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